Run to Death

One night I laced up my shoes and ran out the door. I planned on running the run to end all runs. To be honest I planned to run to death. I had started an antidepressant for the first time in my life a few weeks earlier. What I didn’t know was that I was […]

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Success Anxiety

I’ve recently been promoted in my job. This should be seen as a major victory. Considering my mental health completely obliterated my last career this should be interpreted as a big achievement. I’ve recovered, pivoted, and completely redefined myself in my career in under a year. I scratched my way to the top position in […]

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Mental Health and Caffeine

Triggers are a recent concept for me. I have learned that there are subjects, substances, and circumstances that are major triggers for my anxiety and BPD. These triggers can be extremely inflammatory. I try to manage them today but that wasn’t always the case. I actually used to unknowingly utilize my triggers to accomplish tasks […]

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In Search of Flow

I’m always concerned when I don’t have anything to say. It means my mind is dulling on the rocks of life. My sharp-edged thoughts are often products of manic energy and floods of key chemicals. I live for those times when my thoughts flow, bifurcate, and anastomose like a clear glacier-fed stream. Currently my thoughts […]

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Sugars’ Siren Call

Mind and body are closely intertwined. The body often follows the mind, and body can lead the mind down completely new avenues. My mental health issues have had a negative impact on my body. The changes were subtle at first. Clothes felt tighter. Brisk movements caused quicker respiration and elevated heart rates. The main culprit […]

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A reunion with my old self

I have been reunited with a previous version of myself the last few days. Having forgot my meds, and not in a position to get them yet, I have to be with my unmedicated self again. It has been like a spelunking trip into the heart of darkness. It has felt similar to being reunited […]

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